Kill Tony Joke Book; 315+ Laughs, Burns & Punchlines For 2025 is your ultimate joke collection if you’re obsessed with roasts, rapid-fire wit, and unapologetic comedy.
This joke-packed treasure brings together the most amazing punchlines, unfiltered humor, and bold burns inspired by the legendary Kill Tony stage.
Whether you’re a stand-up fan, an open mic warrior, or just love a good laugh, this is your backstage pass to raw, uncut jokes that define 2025’s comedic edge.
Get ready to laugh, cringe, and quote!
Kill Tony Joke Book for Sale
Looking to buy the infamous Kill Tony joke book? Here’s a preview of the type of humor packed inside 📘😂
- I asked my date if she liked dark humor, so I introduced her to my bank account 💸😅
- My parents wanted me to be a doctor… so now I operate on dreams 🎭🩻
- Tried stand-up once. Crowd stood up and left 🙃🚪
- I’m not single because I’m picky. I’m single because I’m repulsive 🧟♂️💔
- My therapist said I use humor to deflect… I told him his mom uses me for rent 🛋️💬
- If laughter is the best medicine, my ex is terminal 😷🪦
- I told my mom I wanted to be a comedian. She said, “You already are. Your life’s a joke” 🤡📉
- Got a new job at the morgue. Finally surrounded by people who won’t judge me ⚰️🤐
- She ghosted me so hard, I called a priest 👻⛪
- My Tinder bio says “aspiring organ donor” just to scare people 🎹🫀
- You’re not ugly, you just have the lighting of a murder documentary 🔦🔪
- I bombed so bad on stage, the audience filed a police report 🚓💣
- My confidence is like my dad—gone but never forgotten 😞👻
- They laughed when I said I’m funny. That was the only time they laughed 🤷♂️🎙️
- Being broke builds character. So does being dumped on your birthday 🎂💸
Kill Tony Joke Book eBay
Thinking about buying it off eBay? Here’s a taste of what you’re bidding on 🎤🛒
- I did yoga once. Pulled a muscle and my will to live 🧘♂️🪦
- My love life is like WiFi—great signal, no connection 📶💔
- I once tried to write a happy joke. It left me 📝😢
- Got fired from my psychic hotline job—I didn’t see that coming 🔮📉
- People say I’m not funny. Even my dog unfollowed me 🐶🚫
- My laugh is contagious. So is my sadness 😄😭
- I tried to be relatable. Then I remembered I live with my mom 📦🧓
- I’m not lazy. I’m just on energy-saving mode 💤🔋
- Every time I try to glow up, the lights go out 💡🚫
- I asked for a sign from the universe. It said “No Parking” 🛑🚗
- I joined a self-help group. Now we all suck together 👥😬
- I said I’d give up sarcasm. Like that’s ever happening 🙄✋
- They say smile more. I say pay me 💵😑
- My humor is like my credit score—low but consistent 💳📉
- I got ghosted by a girl who was already dead inside 🧟♀️📱
What’s in Kill Tony Joke Book
Wondering what’s actually inside the joke book? Here’s a sample of the edgy humor you’ll find 📖😆
- I’m so broke, I get excited when the ATM says “insufficient funds” because it means I still exist 🏧😅
- I had a dream I made it. Then I woke up to my landlord knocking 🚪😴
- My confidence is so low, even my reflection avoids eye contact 🪞🙈
- I’m in shape. Round is a shape, right? ⚽🍩
- Got a gym membership just to feel guilty about not using it 🏋️♂️😬
- My best friend is my therapist’s voicemail 📞🛋️
- If awkward was a sport, I’d be MVP 🏆😳
- They say love is blind. So is my taste in partners 👩🦯❤️
- I laugh at my own jokes… someone has to 😅🤷♂️
- I tried being positive. Now I’m annoying and unemployed 😎🛑
- My toxic trait? Thinking I’m funnier than I am ☠️🎙️
- I get ghosted more than a haunted house 👻🏠
- My mom said I could be anything. So I became a disappointment 😞🎓
- Told a joke at a funeral. At least one person died laughing ⚰️😂
- My phone only rings when it’s my alarm 🚨📱
Kill Tony Joke Book Meaning
The Kill Tony joke book isn’t just jokes—it’s the spirit of bombing, trying, and laughing through it all 🎭📕
- Success is just failure with good lighting 💡🎬
- Comedy is therapy, but cheaper 🛋️💰
- Every laugh covers a cry 🤡😭
- To bomb on Kill Tony is to truly live 🔥🎙️
- The joke book is a roast of real life 🔪📘
- If pain had punchlines, they’d be in this book 🩹😂
- Stand-up is the only job where crying counts as crowd work 😭🎤
- It’s not about killing… unless you’re talking about time ⏳🔫
- Laughing at trauma? Welcome to Kill Tony 🤕🎭
- It’s a love letter to losers who keep trying 💌👎
- Bombing builds character faster than therapy 🧱🧠
- The book teaches you to love rejection 💔📚
- In comedy, you die a little on stage to live a little off it ⚰️⚡
- It’s one-liner purgatory—painful and hilarious 🔄😬
- Kill Tony isn’t a show, it’s a rite of passage 🚪🔥
What Is in the Kill Tony Joke Book
Let’s break it down again—what exactly will you find in the pages? Here’s more punchline fuel 📚🔥
- My jokes are like my haircut—cheap and uneven 💇♂️😂
- Got into comedy to impress girls. Now I cry for free 🥲💔
- Every open mic is group therapy with a cover charge 🎟️😅
- The only thing I’m committed to is bad decisions 🧠🧨
- My idea of self-care is deleting dating apps 📲🧽
- I write jokes so my inner demons have an outlet 🖊️👹
- Laughed so hard, I forgot I’m failing at life 😂📉
- My jokes hit harder than my childhood 🧸🥊
- I used to be funny. Now I’m just online 😵💻
- If timing is everything, I’m always late 🕒💀
- My set killed… my reputation 🧼😆
- Tried crowd work. Crowd left for work 👥🚶♂️
- I get more laughs from my resume than my set 📄😅
- They call it a tight five. Mine’s just five regrets 🎤🕔
- I’m not edgy. I’m just out of material 🔪📓
Kill Tony Joke Book Inside
Curious about what lies within the pages? Here’s another peek inside the madness 📖🤪
- I tell jokes like I make decisions—regretfully and out loud 🤦♂️🎙️
- My sense of humor is like expired milk—disturbing and hard to forget 🥛🤢
- Tried to get on Kill Tony. They said “try therapy” first 😬🛋️
- My jokes are like my ex—recycled and emotionally damaging ♻️💘
- Laughter is healing. Too bad I’m terminal 😂🩺
- Got heckled by a mime once. Still the loudest reaction I’ve had 🤐🎭
- I open strong. Then it all falls apart—like my childhood 📚🧃
- I’m only funny when I’m hurting, so I’m always hilarious 😞🤣
- Told a joke about anxiety. No one laughed. I overthought it all week 😰🔁
- My jokes are like my grades—below average and full of red marks 📝🔻
- The audience clapped. Probably because I left 👏🚪
- Bombed so hard, TSA flagged me 💣✈️
- Stand-up is just rejection with applause 🚫👏
- I’m the reason “please don’t heckle” signs exist 📛📢
- I laugh to avoid crying… it’s not working 😅😢
What’s in a Kill Tony Joke Book
Still asking what’s in a Kill Tony joke book? One last round of laughs to seal the deal 🤯📘
- I don’t write jokes—I document emotional breakdowns 📔😵♂️
- Every punchline is a cry for help 🥊🆘
- Got laughed off stage. Now I charge for that 💵🤣
- I asked Siri how to be funny. She shut off 📴😂
- I bomb like it’s a talent show 🎤💥
- If you don’t laugh, my therapist wins 🛋️🏆
- My dog judges my jokes harder than the audience 🐕👎
- Laughter is cheaper than rent, so here we are 🏠😄
- My jokes come with a trigger warning 🚨🎙️
- I chase validation like it’s a career path 📈❤️
- If you relate, I’m sorry 😢🤝
- Tried to warm up the room. Burned down the stage 🔥😬
- My comedy style? Panic and oversharing 🤯💬
- The mic wasn’t even on. Best set I ever had 🎙️🔇
- I write to avoid working—success! 📝🍕
Conclusion
The Kill Tony joke book isn’t just a collection of punchlines—it’s a chaotic, honest look at the underbelly of comedy.
It captures the essence of bombing, resilience, and dark humor that defines the Kill Tony experience.
Whether you’re buying, curious, or preparing to hit the stage, now you know what you’re in for: laughs, groans, and brutal honesty.
