230+ Pirate Jokes & Puns to Rule the Seven Seas In 2025

230+ Pirate Jokes & Puns to Rule the Seven Seas In 2025 is your ultimate treasure chest of laughs, grog-worthy giggles, and high-seas humor.

Whether you’re a landlubber or a salty sea dog, these trending pirate puns and side-splitting jokes will have you roaring louder than a cannon blast.

Packed with fresh, 2025-ready humor, this collection will make you the captain of comedy at any gathering—no map required!

Pirate Joke Driving Me Nuts 🏴‍☠️🥜

Why did the pirate go to the psychiatrist? Because everyone kept driving him nuts 🥜
I told a pirate to calm down. He said, I can’t—I’m being driven nuts by landlubbers! 😩
How do pirates deal with traffic? They don’t… it drives them nuts 🚗💢
A parrot kept repeating “walk the plank”—it drove the pirate nuts 🦜🤯
The pirate’s Wi-Fi stopped working. That drove him nuts faster than cannon fire 📶🔥
He couldn’t find his buried treasure—drove him absolutely nuts 🔍🥜
The captain’s crew kept stealing his rum. That really drove him nuts 🍹😡
When a pirate’s ship GPS failed, he said it drove him nuts not knowing where to arrrrive 🧭🤕
Why don’t pirates like city life? Too many honking horns—it drives them nuts 🚦🚗
Every time he heard “booty,” he giggled. It drove the crew nuts 🍑😂
His wooden leg squeaked. That sound drove him nuts on stormy nights 🦿🌧️
His talking parrot developed a cough—drove him nuts during raids 🦜😷
The pirate lost his hat and couldn’t function. It drove him completely nuts 🎩🤪
His compass always spun in circles—drove him nuts trying to set a course 🧭🌀
Every island looked the same to him. That drove him nuts on treasure hunts 🌴🧠

Dirty Pirate Joke 🍑🏴‍☠️

What’s a pirate’s favorite bedroom move? The plank-walk 😏
Why do pirates make bad lovers? They always finish with a “yarrr!” 🛏️💥
The pirate’s pants had more holes than a cannonball target 🎯👖
What did the pirate say to the wench? Mind if I shiver your timbers? 💋
Why was the rum gone? Because they had a wild night in the crow’s nest 🍹😈
What’s a pirate’s pickup line? You arrrr gorgeous, let’s booty-call 📱🍑
He had a big… ship 😳🚢
Why did the pirate get kicked out of the tavern? He flashed his sword too often 🗡️🙈
The pirate couldn’t keep it in his pants—his hook, I mean 🪝👀
How do pirates say goodbye after a hookup? Sea ya later, hottie 🌊🔥
The cabin girl said he had a treasure map… below the belt 🗺️🍆
What did the pirate say during foreplay? Prepare to be boarded 😈
He loved when she talked dirty—especially with a pirate accent 🗣️💦
She wanted a matey, but got a dirty old sea dog 🐶💋
He had a plank in the front and a booty in the back 😏🍑

Pirate Joke for Kids 🧒🏴‍☠️

Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet? He always got stuck at “C” 😂
What’s a pirate’s favorite subject? Arrrr-t 🎨
Why did the pirate cross the playground? To get to the other slide 🛝
How much did the pirate pay for his hook and peg leg? An arm and a leg 🤖
What do pirates eat for breakfast? Cap’n Crunch of course! 🥣
Where do pirates park their ships? In the harrrrrbor! ⚓
Why are pirates good singers? Because they hit the high seas 🎶
What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish? A goldfish—they sparkle like treasure 🐟✨
Why do pirates love playing hide-and-seek? They’re great at finding booty! 🍑
How do you make a pirate angry? Take away his “Arrrr”! 😠
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument? The guit-arrr! 🎸
Why do pirates love Halloween? Free booty and scary tales 🎃👻
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it’s R, but their true love is the C! 🌊
Why was the pirate so good at baseball? He had a great hook ⚾🪝
What did the pirate say at his retirement party? Time to arrr-chill 🍹

Driving Me Nuts Pirate Joke 🔄🥴

What do you call a pirate who lost his anchor? Nuts. Just absolutely nuts 🧠
I asked a pirate how he stays sane. He said, I don’t—the sea drives me nuts 🌊🥜
The crew wouldn’t stop singing sea shanties. It drove the captain nuts 🎶😖
Why don’t pirates have therapists? Because they’d all be driven nuts on day one 🛋️
His first mate kept correcting his grammar. That drove him nuts 📝🤬
He dropped his eyepatch in the ocean. That drove him one-eyed nuts 👁️🌊
The ship’s parrot kept screaming “tax audit.” Drove him bonkers 🦜📊
Pirate radio got stuck on Taylor Swift. Drove the entire ship nuts 📻💔
He dreamed of treasure but found coconuts. Drove him fruit-nuts 🥥😩
The mermaids ghosted him. That drove his heart nuts 💔🧜‍♀️
Why did the pirate yell at his cannon? It wouldn’t fire—it drove him nuts 💣😤
The monkey on deck kept stealing his gold. Nuts-level rage 🐒💰
Every island looked like the last. Treasure-hunting drove him nuts 🏝️🔄
Why did the pirate hate holidays? Too much family—drove him nuts 🎄😵
The chef only served hardtack. Three weeks later, he was officially nuts 🍞🥜

Tell Me a Pirate Joke 🎤🏴‍☠️

Why don’t pirates shower before walking the plank? They just wash up on shore 🧼🏖️
How did the pirate propose? With a ring from a treasure chest 💍
What’s a pirate’s favorite way to cook? With an arrr-microwave 🍲
Why are pirates so cool? Because they just arrrr 💨
What kind of socks do pirates wear? Arrrgyle 🧦
Why did the pirate get a job? He wanted to make some arrr-dough 💰
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey 🎉
Why do pirates love fishing? Because of all the net profits 🎣📈
What’s a pirate’s favorite type of movie? Arrrr-rated 🎬
Why do pirates hate algebra? Too many Xs and no treasure 🧮
What do you call a pirate who skips class? Captain Hooky 🏴‍☠️
Why did the pirate quit smoking? Because it was bad for his chest 🫁💎
What’s a pirate’s favorite sport? Arrrr-chery 🏹
How do pirates like their eggs? Sunny side arrrp 🍳
What kind of phone does a pirate use? An iEye 📱👁️

Drives Me Nuts Pirate Joke 🤪⚓

My pirate GPS always says “recalculating” — drives me nuts 🧭
The crew can’t tell port from starboard. It drives me nuts every voyage 🚢
That parrot won’t stop repeating “booty” — drives me absolutely nuts 🦜🍑
The captain only speaks in riddles — I’m going nuts! 🧠
We run out of rum every week — it’s driving me nuts 🍺😠
Pirate Netflix keeps buffering — drives us nuts on long nights 📺
Everyone keeps asking “where’s the gold?” — I’M NOT A MAP! 🗺️😵
Why do we keep circling the same island? It’s driving me nuts 🌴🔁
His peg leg keeps clunking at night — can’t sleep, going nuts 🦿💤
Every pirate thinks he’s the captain. That drives me absolutely bonkers ⚓😤
He sings sea shanties off-key — it’s nuts 🎶🙉
Cannon misfires again — that’s it, I’m nuts 💣💥
He polished his hook for 3 hours. Just. Nuts. 🪝🧼
Can’t find my hat, again. Nuts level: maximum 🎩🫠
The sea makes my hair frizz. I hate it. It drives me nuts 🌊💇

Best Pirate Joke 🏆🏴‍☠️

What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise? The plank! 🏋️
Why did the pirate get an “F” in school? Too much hooky 📚
What’s a pirate’s favorite fast food? Arrrrby’s 🍔
What do you call a pirate snowman? Frosty the No-Beard ☃️
Why don’t pirates ever learn to code? They’re too afraid of the C++ 👨‍💻
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think R, but it’s the C 🌊
Why was the pirate a great cook? He added just the right amount of arrr-matics 👨‍🍳
Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs? Because they already have all the booty 😆
What did the pirate name his dog? Barkbeard 🐶
Why was the pirate bad at poker? He was always bluffing 🃏
Why did the pirate bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the rum was on the house 🍹🏠
Why don’t pirates tell secrets on ships? Because they’re afraid of leaks 🚢
What do pirates use to measure treasure? Yarrdsticks 📏
Why did the pirate join the gym? To improve his plank form 🏋️‍♂️
What did the pirate say during the spelling bee? Can I buy a vowel, arrr! 🔤